In reflecting on her dating experiences in New York City during her 30s, Uzo Aduba draws a parallel to the iconic series Sex and the City. “You really do have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the one,” Aduba, 43, shares with PEOPLE. “What often made it difficult was looking back at relationships where I thought someone was amazing, only to realize later he was far from it.”
The Orange Is the New Black actress delves into these unsuccessful relationships in her upcoming memoir, The Road Is Good: How a Mother’s Strength Became a Daughter’s Purpose, set for release on Sept. 24. In her book, Aduba recalls sending messages to all but one of her exes, letting them know how they hurt her and how undeserved that pain was.
The Emmy Award-winning actress admits she wasn’t always truthful about wanting commitment during her early dating years
“Every woman should have that moment,” the Emmy Award winner tells PEOPLE. “Too often, we allow men to treat us poorly without accountability. I let myself be mistreated, but I deserved more respect, and it’s okay to demand it. While I don’t shoulder all the blame, I should have stopped it sooner. Many men know when they’ve treated a woman unfairly, but they rarely face the consequences.”
Aduba admits that in past relationships, she wasn’t always truthful about what she wanted. “On a first date, when asked what I was looking for, I’d respond with, ‘Oh, nothing serious. Just here to have fun,’ when that wasn’t the truth at all,” she explains.
She once believed that being upfront about her desires might scare a man away. “I settled for less, thinking I could prove my worth over time and win him over. But that was self-deception. Then I’d be shocked when he wasn’t willing to commit,” she recalls.
At one point, Aduba nearly gave up hope on finding love.
“I had convinced myself that it wasn’t in the cards for me,” the mother of 10-month-old daughter Adaiba reveals. “I thought I’d waited too long or neglected my love life because of my career, and that was my story.” However, fate led Aduba to meet filmmaker Robert Sweeting at a rooftop bar in Midtown Manhattan.
“He gave me a sense of security,” she remembers. “I felt comfortable being my complete self — not just the good parts, but also my flaws, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities. He saw all of it and still loved me, and I’ve never doubted his love.” The couple exchanged vows in September 2020 during a small backyard ceremony at Aduba’s sister’s home, ensuring her mother, who was battling pancreatic cancer, could witness the event.
“At first, I was disappointed by how the wedding would be,” Aduba confesses. “But as soon as we began in my sister’s backyard, it felt perfect — more than enough.” Now a family of three, Aduba appreciates that life reveals as it’s meant to. Reflecting on her full Igbo name, Uzoamaka, which translates to “the road is good,” she feels her life’s path has indeed been positive.
“My journey was never meant to be easy. It was supposed to have its struggles, but reaching the destination makes it all worthwhile,” she says. “And in this case, it turned out even better than expected. The earlier chapters don’t matter as much now because everything worked out in the end.”
Aduba’s memoir, The Road Is Good: How a Mother’s Strength Became a Daughter’s Purpose, will be available for purchase on Tuesday, Sept. 24, through Viking, an imprint of Penguin Random House, and is available for preorder now.
