DEAR ABBY: Both my wife and I are in our mid-50s. Due to a medical condition she has, our sex life is virtually nonexistent, and I find that I rarely think about it these days. I have a friend named “Edie,” whom I’ve known for several years, having met her through my side job as a handyman.
Edie is in her 80s, and my wife has jokingly referred to her as my “girlfriend,” which I assume is lighthearted. Occasionally, Edie makes suggestive comments, but I initially overlooked them.
Recently, Edie was upset and expressed a desire to feel alive. One thing led to another, and we ended up having sex. Since that day, she has become more interested in sexual encounters every time we meet.
Dear Abby provides a reality check: intimacy with Edie has turned the friendship into something more
Until this incident, I had never cheated on my wife during our marriage, and the weight of this situation is heavily on my conscience. I deeply care for my wife and want to preserve our relationship, but I also wish to maintain my friendship with Edie, who means a lot to me.
Edie’s health is becoming precarious, and her family history suggests she may not have many years left. She lacks close friends or family to support her. Is it possible for me to maintain both my marriage and my friendship with Edie? I would greatly appreciate your advice as I steer this difficult situation. — GOOD HUSBAND AND FRIEND
DEAR HUSBAND/FRIEND: It’s time for a reality check. The moment you became intimate with Edie, she transitioned from a “good friend” to something else entirely, and you’ve effectively become her lover.
If you genuinely love your wife, you need to end this affair immediately before it spirals out of control and your wife discovers the truth. Allowing this situation to continue will likely lead to your wife’s heartbreak and could at the end destroy your marriage.
DEAR ABBY: My son, who was 28, lost his life in a hit-and-run accident involving a semi-truck. We only learned of his fate weeks later when his fingerprints were used to identify him. My husband and I were dedicated members of our church community, with me often overseeing the nursery. For three months leading up to my son’s death, I cared for a child belonging to a church member without charge because her father was battling cancer.
After my son’s tragic passing, I was shocked that not a single person from the congregation offered condolences, food, or even a phone call. Although I took a couple of weeks off from attending church, I was surprised that no one, including the pastor, reached out to me. Consequently, I decided to leave that church. Am I being unreasonable in my expectations? — SO HURT IN THE SOUTH
DEAR SO HURT: Please accept my heartfelt condolences for the devastating loss of your son. Given your active role in that congregation, it’s understandable that you expected more support than complete silence in the wake of your tragedy.
Clearly, several individuals failed to step up during your time of need, and your feelings of hurt are completely valid. Changing churches was a wise decision, and I hope you find the emotional support you deserve from your new community.
A valuable resource for anyone dealing with emotional struggles is “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order a copy, please send your name and mailing address, along with a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
